Monday, April 21st Update

Ellie had another apnea this morning. She is going through a difficult stretch right now. I really want an explanation as to why this has been happening everyday, and multiple times a day. The doctor says that she is still just too immature to be relied on to remember to breathe on her own, and that there is no main contributer other than her lungs are not fully developed. She was born 4 weeks ago today. She weighs 4lbs 12 ounces, and eats like a champion. To be honest, I am just getting really burnt out going to the hospital everyday, not being able to have any privacy with my baby, and dealing with the politics of different nurses. I can't handle witnessing other sick babies around us getting poked with needles, other moms crying when the nurses fill them in on the status of their babies, and worst of all, I can't handle seeing other moms take their baby's home. It just doesn't seem fair. Of course she is in the best place possible with her breathing condition, but I can't help but be disappointed every time I walk into the nursery and the nurse informs me of yet another apnea episode. I just pray that this is the last one for the week, and that she WILL come home early next week.